Where do I feel safe? The honest answer is nowhere
physical. I am hyperaware of my body and its basic limitations, how easy it is
to kill someone without a single second thought or question. I know gun
violence statistics and how many serial killers are on the prowl right now. My paranoia
has lead me to memorize statistics on rape and sexual assault and to realize it
can happen anywhere.
Physically I never feel safe. But there is a place I
do feel safe, emotionally. And that is my own head. Now if you know me, you
know that my head is not the nicest place to be or even just to visit. There’s a
lot of trippy stuff going on in there and a simple conversation with me may make
you question my sanity. But there are things in there that make me feel okay.
It’s not the random dirty thoughts I blurt out or
even the random frightening thoughts on what reality means or if there is a
single universal truth. (Thanks for some good questions, Mr. Croco.) It’s not
the dedication to Harry and his friends or the love in my heart for Zachary
Quinto with his stupid eyebrows.
It’s the realization that there is nothing in my head
that I cannot control. In the real world, there is so little you can control
because even though we have free will, we’re taught to embrace it as little as possible
and to rely on others for so much. I could run down the hall with a pair of
socks on my ears and scream curse words at the bullies my life hell, but
because I was taught to exercise control, I don’t.
In my head though, I can do anything. I can think
anything and be anything and love
anything without a single question. In my head, in that crazy place my thoughts
call home, I can run with the wolves and I can cry for missed chances and I can
just be scared for my future because all the plans in the world can’t promise I’ll
end up happy.
In my head no one tells me I can’t be best friends
with the person who once broke my heart. In my head, no one warns me off a
relationship I want to take a chance
on.
And in my head, the most dangerous of places, I feel
safe.
You took such an interesting viewpoint on this assignment, thank you! It was refreshing hearing your thoughts on control inside and outside the mind. Definetly something I will contemplate from now on. You began with the possibility of danger in our world, guns, murder and rape. Are you afraid of the world or is it just that you are a realist of modern society, because you words sounded mighty pessimistic. :)
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